you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize