Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I just blew my weed a kiss
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
