angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
where are my eyebrows?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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