Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
