Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize