Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
