he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
