It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
