Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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