That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Randomize
