I think I am morally bankrupt
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize