New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
