He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
