Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
