i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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