he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize