Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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