i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
