If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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