dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
