Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
