He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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