You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
