I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
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his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
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i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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