Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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