She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
