I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
