she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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