Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
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Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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