it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
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