he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
accomplished twins. life is a go
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
