There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
