i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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