It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
