I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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