is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
