There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
