So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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