you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My sheets look like a crime scene.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
they're like a gay fantastic four
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
