Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
