I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
