well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
