Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
if i can run in heels then i can drive
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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