nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
