this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
