gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
