you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
