yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
