The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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