Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
