I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
