life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
