Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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