i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
