so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
