Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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