I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
