New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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