Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
