mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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