i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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