my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
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Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
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I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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