So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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