Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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