i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
