I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
