dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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