Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
