So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Randomize
