it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
