So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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