I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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