Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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