we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
