plz talk dirty to me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
