no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
