But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
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I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
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A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize