he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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