Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
