I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
