I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
